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Old 09-04-2012, 05:34 AM
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sojourner
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Hi Madkarma: Welcome to SR. I wanted to answer your new post and assure you that others (including lots of mothers/fathers) will be along to post their ESH (experience, strength, hope).

I also am the mother of a 27 YO AS (addicted son). The story you told above about your daughter is very similar to his behavior when he was graduating from high school. I had many red flags but really did not know the truth of the situation for months and months afterward.

My suggestion is to start reading - there are sticky posts above to read. There are posts that mention good books to read. My suggestion on a book I found helpful is "Addict in the Family" by Beverly Conyers (I think available through Hazelden). The book spends a lot of time focusing on the behaviors that we see in our loved one and our natural responses to those behaviors. And of course the author then moves us to changing our responses so that our loved one can feel the full psychological, physical, mental, financial strain of their choices which gives them the best chance to make that inner decision to change. But all of this takes time - probably longer than you had hoped.

You are going to get a lot of advice to go to Alanon or Naranon, and I am encouraging you in that also. These meetings are places where you can verbalize your fears, experiences, whatever. There is no judgement at these meetings. When it is your turn to talk (should you choose to), you will not be interrupted. These meetings are confidential and anonymous. No one outside the meetings will know that you attended, much less what you said.

Life is a journey. Your daughter's choices will impact you and the rest of her family big-time. Even if you are the only one who chooses to educate yourself and go to Alanon/Naranon, all your family will benefit by osmosis.

Keep coming back!!
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