Well....I have asked myself this question concerning my XABF too. I have posted a little bit about my situtation but the story is too long and painful to tell. I put my XABF thru rehab and he met another women while he was in there. They are both alcoholics and it's been horrible the last 2-3 years....HORRIBLE! On and off again! I would ALLOW him back in my life thinking they'd finally be done...nope...he would disappear and the cycle would start over again. I don't get it but I am told that they have someone that allows them to behave and do what they want....which is drink! Someone that looks worse than they do, someone they feel they deserve....Trust me this I know .....you can't change it!