Originally Posted by
sinclairf 
Hello, everyone. Sibling of a drug addict here.
I am new to the group, but not to the comments I am reading from everyone here. The frustration, resentment, brokenheartedness, and isolation from families is very familiar.
I'm an adult sibling of an addict and a part of a family that is very broken on the inside. I'm really glad to find this group. It's weird being an adult and still having such angry and sad feelings toward my parents. I was just with my family for a vacation and saw my addict brother for the first time in a while. He is sober (he says) but still doing the same selfish stuff and just walking around like the world is a handout (and my parents provide everything for him anyway). After being annoyed, then sad, then angry, then overall bummed, I found myself wondering what if things had been different... could I have been helped so that I didn't always have the same experience in my family? It's not just about my brother, it's also my parents I feel resentment toward.
But I know that most family-based intervention strategies for addiction focus on the parents' relationship with the addict and that often leaves us sibs out. My question to all of you is...what would have helped US? Would any of you have appreciated some sort of support that sought to help our relationship toward the family? More time with parents (away from our sibs) or maybe some groups for sibs where we could meet others people who know what it is like to live with an addict. Could there have been something in the community for us? I know it might have been nice to meet people I could invite over and not worry about them seeing my brother "on the nod" or worry about saying to them "hey if you have any money, you should make sure to hide it..." I wonder if I would have done it as a teen...
Anyone have any thoughts?
I think the same al-anon/nar-anon principles work for us. Unfortunately, the nature of addiction makes it so that the entire family is consumed by the addiction. That is to say, parents of addicts that are actively supporting/enabling their addicted child aren't very nice to hang out with. So even if I had more "alone time" with my mom, she would spend it talking about or worrying about or managing my sister's life. It's just part of her particular addiction.
It would be cool, though, to have access to friends that would understand - so that perhaps a friend could visit like you mentioned - I never attended alateen when I was younger, but in my head it's kinda like that. The other teens you would meet there likely know all about being ashamed to take anyone home for dinner (assuming any of us even had a family dinner, I know I never have). So perhaps this already exists? I sure wish I would have gone to that then, imagine how ahead of the game I would have been!
