I appreciate everyone's suggestions on this thread, they were all helpful in their own way. That being said I went to a meeting today and shared what I shared with you all today. You wouldn't believe the resounding "that's my exact experience," or "man i'm glad you said that" today. I did get one...I should kick your butt, but that's ok...the person was entitled to their opinion. At any rate, someone pointed me towards "The Road Less Traveled" as a means to connect with something larger than myself and quit being so selfish in my recovery (along with helping others). I think that's what's been lacking all along, struggling with the concept of a HP. And to the person who asked me what my sponsor said, "he said I (me) think too much." He told me he would never give up on me. freshstart57, and ZiggyB...Yes, I have read up on SMART Recovery, and others...and I'm not sure it's about what program you choose...I think it's simply sticking with something. In my readings I have found that most programs preach the same universal truths, they are just applied slightly differently. At any rate, tomorrow is a new day, I intend to pickup The Road Less Traveled and see what I can append to my program. Can't hurt. I don't think there is one right way to do things, ask 50 people in a room how their program operates, your gonna get 50 different answers. I just need to find what works for me. I'm definitely finding our what doesn't work...maybe that's what it takes for me personally.