cascade, you know where it says in How IT Works "We stood at the turning point"... I have stood there many times over the years.
Don't quit just before the miracle happens.
What does your sponsor say about your struggle ??... When I was 2 yrs sober I was still quite suicidal.
If you have a good support system in your group I suggest you talk to them. They know you.
The balance will come. To get it I needed 2 things. Willingness and Ability to work the Steps.
All the best.
Bob R