SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - co-dependant

shutterbug · 10-21-2004, 10:09 PM

Charmedone, I tend to write very long posts so you are forwarned. Also in what ever I say "take what you want and leave the rest."

I also am 28, bipolar and deal with anxiety and not sure what else yet, but possibly PTSD since the knowlegde that I am mentally ill is new to me and I'm just now starting to deal with it.

That said, you sound like you are going through a someone manic stage with bouts of depression. You are doing a lot and you sound exactly how I was 2 years ago before I hit my second major depression of my life that I am starting to come out of with meds. From all the intense research I've done in the past 3 months, I learned that bp is a progressive illness if untreated. It gets worse over time. Also we tend to go off our meds after a major episode is over because for the most part we feel fine and often are productive in live (overly actually).

Being medicated though, I believe, is a balancing act. There are a lot of doctors out there who over-prescribe and we end up worse and other doctors under-prescribe for varying reasons. Either way, the bp person (and their family) suffers.

It is imperative to seek a doctor's opinion. I made the mistake of only seeking the advise of a general physicians who only diagnosed me with depression. They don't understand enough about mental illnesses to diagnose so many like myself go untreated and suffer for years. With bp, it is very important to maintain therapy with a certified pychologist and to also continue in the care of a pychiatrist. Only they really understand our illnesses and how to best treat them. Remember a general physican really only deals with the body and most of their patients on a typical day are probably in their offices with colds and infections.

Just be sure you tell the doctor you see about your history and that you don't want to be over-medicated. I personally refuse to let a doctor prescribe any addictive prescriptions - my aunt died 4 yrs ago from drug overdose and my grandma (and dad I suspect) are addicted too.

As for the drinking, since you know you have a family history with alcoholism I would seek the advice of an AA member or program to determine if you have an addiction. If not - count your blessings! 80 percent of all bp's have substance abuse issues and you can also keep that in mind and limit your intake. If you do - then finding out now and working a 12-step program is the only way to save yourself from destroying your life with alcohol since it is also a progressive illness (which also means the longer you go without treating the disease, the harder it will be to deal with or even seek recovery). The fact that you are wondering if you may have a proplem is a very good thing since many alcoholics stay in denial for years and sometimes for the rest of their lives. (My dad is one of those denial drunks)

As for the co-dependency issue: you said...

[/QUOTE]It's bad and it will end up destroying this relationship like it has all of my others. I assume that when my boyfriend isn't with me he is with another girl. I never say how I feel so I don't rock the boat. In the past in other relationships I had such strong fears of being abandoned I would end up pushing them away. I have no self confidence and struggle with why someone would want to be with me [/QUOTE]

Well, you just described me perfectly. From what I've read, my co-dependency comes from several places while I was growing up: my dad's alcoholism (which came with both physical and emotional abandonment), my mother's abandonment, my step-mother and step-sister's treatment of me growing up (ignoring me unless I was being told to do something), my step-father's alcoholism (because I learned more co-dependant things from her behavior in that relationship) and being molested by my uncle.

Now with all that said...the only thing that has EVER given me hope for finding happiness in myself and sto top destroying relationships (or picking all the wrong men who abuse me) is Alanon. I don't know if you have heard of it, but is kinda like AA except we work the 12 steps toward a life without co-dependency (and learn how to deal with all the alcholics in our lives - or not deal with them if we chose).

Anyway, that's more than my 2 cents. Like I said before, "Take what you like and leave the rest."

Hugs,
Jenna

10-21-2004, 10:09 PM	#5 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,947 Blog Entries: 5	Charmedone, I tend to write very long posts so you are forwarned. Also in what ever I say "take what you want and leave the rest." I also am 28, bipolar and deal with anxiety and not sure what else yet, but possibly PTSD since the knowlegde that I am mentally ill is new to me and I'm just now starting to deal with it. That said, you sound like you are going through a someone manic stage with bouts of depression. You are doing a lot and you sound exactly how I was 2 years ago before I hit my second major depression of my life that I am starting to come out of with meds. From all the intense research I've done in the past 3 months, I learned that bp is a progressive illness if untreated. It gets worse over time. Also we tend to go off our meds after a major episode is over because for the most part we feel fine and often are productive in live (overly actually). Being medicated though, I believe, is a balancing act. There are a lot of doctors out there who over-prescribe and we end up worse and other doctors under-prescribe for varying reasons. Either way, the bp person (and their family) suffers. It is imperative to seek a doctor's opinion. I made the mistake of only seeking the advise of a general physicians who only diagnosed me with depression. They don't understand enough about mental illnesses to diagnose so many like myself go untreated and suffer for years. With bp, it is very important to maintain therapy with a certified pychologist and to also continue in the care of a pychiatrist. Only they really understand our illnesses and how to best treat them. Remember a general physican really only deals with the body and most of their patients on a typical day are probably in their offices with colds and infections. Just be sure you tell the doctor you see about your history and that you don't want to be over-medicated. I personally refuse to let a doctor prescribe any addictive prescriptions - my aunt died 4 yrs ago from drug overdose and my grandma (and dad I suspect) are addicted too. As for the drinking, since you know you have a family history with alcoholism I would seek the advice of an AA member or program to determine if you have an addiction. If not - count your blessings! 80 percent of all bp's have substance abuse issues and you can also keep that in mind and limit your intake. If you do - then finding out now and working a 12-step program is the only way to save yourself from destroying your life with alcohol since it is also a progressive illness (which also means the longer you go without treating the disease, the harder it will be to deal with or even seek recovery). The fact that you are wondering if you may have a proplem is a very good thing since many alcoholics stay in denial for years and sometimes for the rest of their lives. (My dad is one of those denial drunks) As for the co-dependency issue: you said... [/QUOTE]It's bad and it will end up destroying this relationship like it has all of my others. I assume that when my boyfriend isn't with me he is with another girl. I never say how I feel so I don't rock the boat. In the past in other relationships I had such strong fears of being abandoned I would end up pushing them away. I have no self confidence and struggle with why someone would want to be with me [/QUOTE] Well, you just described me perfectly. From what I've read, my co-dependency comes from several places while I was growing up: my dad's alcoholism (which came with both physical and emotional abandonment), my mother's abandonment, my step-mother and step-sister's treatment of me growing up (ignoring me unless I was being told to do something), my step-father's alcoholism (because I learned more co-dependant things from her behavior in that relationship) and being molested by my uncle. Now with all that said...the only thing that has EVER given me hope for finding happiness in myself and sto top destroying relationships (or picking all the wrong men who abuse me) is Alanon. I don't know if you have heard of it, but is kinda like AA except we work the 12 steps toward a life without co-dependency (and learn how to deal with all the alcholics in our lives - or not deal with them if we chose). Anyway, that's more than my 2 cents. Like I said before, "Take what you like and leave the rest." Hugs, Jenna __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).