[greekette]

I'm 20 years old and at the age of 16 became bulleumic and anorexic and then then told i'm suffering from depression. I had a pretty bad childhood by losing certain people who played a major part of my life and to top it off my parents weren't ever around untill they found out when i was not well at 16. I was seeing many doctors and I was on meds up untill afew weeks ago. So i'd been on the meds for four and a half years.

My friends mum told me to get off the meds because you become dependant on them and that instead i should take up an activity to keep my mind and hands busy. I really didnt think it would work but i gave it a try. I went to an art and craft shop, i bought a huge canvas and different colours of paint. When i got home i sat in the living room on the floor and looked around, i spotted one of my mums vases with fake flowers in it. i thought i'd try paint that. Mind you i've never picked up a paintbrush in my life and have no idea about drawing. It took me the whole day to paint the still life drawing of that damn vase and fake flowers. Even when it was finished it looked like a 2 year old had just slpatted paint everywhere. I laughed, and laughed and laughed. It was the most pathetic drawing i've seen in my life but i felt good. And everytime i looked at it I felt happy. The entire day was spent on painting and not for one moment did i feel down. I actually enjoyed what i did.

Perhaps you to can pick up some sort of an activity, doesn't have to be painting just make sure you choose an activity where your mind has to be focused and if you can chooose an activity where you keep your hands busy.

Another thing that worked for me was singing, find a song you can connect to and look at yourself in the mirror and sing it with your emotions wheather it's bad or good. Singing helps you expres your feeling so it's a good way to get it out. I find i can't trust anyone so when i need to talk to someone i sit infront of the mirror and tell the girl in the mirror (myself) what's wrong and then give myself advice. I know it sounds stupid but it works. Belive me!

As for relationships, be honest with your partner, tell him how you feel, what you want. Tell him you feel so secure when his around you tell him you need to be held and want to hold him to. Tell him what you discover about yourself (your emotions) this is what will retain and strengthen your relationship.

As for the drinking, think about how it affected you when your father died and then think what it would be like for you two boys if they lost there mother. Every time you want to have a drink just scull a few big glasses of water till your so full that you can't have anything to drink, obviously do this after meals so you still eat and don't go back to eating disorders.

Most of all one thing i need to tell you. Your an inspiration to me, because when i went through all the things i did at the age of 16 i never thought i'd live it out and could never see myself giving another person advice on what to do because i thought my mind was so lost. But by reading your message in the forum it made me feel as if im not alone and also your 28 years old and have 2 kids and your still living your life. To me that's WOW! An age i thought i'd never get to and i never thought about me being like this and having kids. You are one strong person and just gave me the courage to speak out my story to.
:lumpy THANK-YOU