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New Day · 10-17-2004, 01:20 PM

I am new to this site and by the suggestion of MG, I am posting here. I am looking for help from others who are married to someone who has bi-polar. Sometimes I feel that I am married to the illness and not the person.

:cry3:

My husband has been treated for bi-polar for 10 years. As a result of a recent run-in with the law he has agreed to see a therapist and I finally had hope that something would change.

I am struggling with what are the minimum expections of someone with bi-polar?

Recently I found out that my husband opened a separate checking account and credit card to purchase internet pain medication without my knowledge. This is after a suicide attempt last Feb that me and his dr believe was triggered by addiction to the same pain medication.

During this past time period he was secretly taking the pain meds, he reassured me that he is not doing anything that would conflict with his probation and the past work he has done with his therapist. That has turned out to be a lie because he still has not told his dr that he was on these pain meds, even after supposedly having a ceasure after being taken off Lamictal because of a rash. His dr took him off Lamictal b/c Jeff assured him he was compliant with his meds and therefore it made sense the Lamictal caused his rash, even though he had been on it for 2+ yrs w/out complications. I recently informed his dr of the pain meds and he believes that was now the cause and not the lamictal.

My husband tells me he is not certain whether or not he will get a refill of the pain meds...he thinks he can handle taking some for a few days. Says he will make an appt with his therapist to try to get to the bottom of this, and also ask his dr for a medication that will inhibit the pleasure censors, but has not done it!

His expectations of me are to leave him alone, let him "try" to do better without explaining to me what "try" means, and help him pay for internet law school which he has recently decided will make him happy. By the way, as a result of his run in with the law we have incurred $13,000 of credit card debt-mostly due to attorney fees and additional medical costs, but also purchases to help make him feel better and gifts to me that he wanted me to have to apologize and I willing took - mostly out of anger.

Today has been a hard day! I don't want to act in anger. I am codependent and I just can't seem to get the fact that I can't help him. I also realize that I have liked the role of the martyr. I don't want to fuel the bi-polar and I want to love my husband. However, as a result of the cummulative lies throughout the years I look at him and what he says and everything he says and does seems to be a con...a lie.

I know having bi-polar is HORRIBLE! I know it is a chemical condition. I know that seeing him through multiple suicide attempts is not nearly as difficult as what he feels and endures everyday. Our therapist who is seeing us separately and jointly continues to tell me that he has to be accountable for his actions and I have to let go and not try to control for possible negative outcomes. That I need to let it go and let whatever happens happen.

I am at the point where I believe we, I, need some time apart from him.

HOW DO YOU DO IT? I am trying to sift the focus from him to me. :titanic

Thank you for this website, it has been a gift from God.

10-17-2004, 01:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
New Day Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Sorting it all out... Posts: 17	?s for those married to bi-polar I am new to this site and by the suggestion of MG, I am posting here. I am looking for help from others who are married to someone who has bi-polar. Sometimes I feel that I am married to the illness and not the person. :cry3: My husband has been treated for bi-polar for 10 years. As a result of a recent run-in with the law he has agreed to see a therapist and I finally had hope that something would change. I am struggling with what are the minimum expections of someone with bi-polar? Recently I found out that my husband opened a separate checking account and credit card to purchase internet pain medication without my knowledge. This is after a suicide attempt last Feb that me and his dr believe was triggered by addiction to the same pain medication. During this past time period he was secretly taking the pain meds, he reassured me that he is not doing anything that would conflict with his probation and the past work he has done with his therapist. That has turned out to be a lie because he still has not told his dr that he was on these pain meds, even after supposedly having a ceasure after being taken off Lamictal because of a rash. His dr took him off Lamictal b/c Jeff assured him he was compliant with his meds and therefore it made sense the Lamictal caused his rash, even though he had been on it for 2+ yrs w/out complications. I recently informed his dr of the pain meds and he believes that was now the cause and not the lamictal. My husband tells me he is not certain whether or not he will get a refill of the pain meds...he thinks he can handle taking some for a few days. Says he will make an appt with his therapist to try to get to the bottom of this, and also ask his dr for a medication that will inhibit the pleasure censors, but has not done it! His expectations of me are to leave him alone, let him "try" to do better without explaining to me what "try" means, and help him pay for internet law school which he has recently decided will make him happy. By the way, as a result of his run in with the law we have incurred $13,000 of credit card debt-mostly due to attorney fees and additional medical costs, but also purchases to help make him feel better and gifts to me that he wanted me to have to apologize and I willing took - mostly out of anger. Today has been a hard day! I don't want to act in anger. I am codependent and I just can't seem to get the fact that I can't help him. I also realize that I have liked the role of the martyr. I don't want to fuel the bi-polar and I want to love my husband. However, as a result of the cummulative lies throughout the years I look at him and what he says and everything he says and does seems to be a con...a lie. I know having bi-polar is HORRIBLE! I know it is a chemical condition. I know that seeing him through multiple suicide attempts is not nearly as difficult as what he feels and endures everyday. Our therapist who is seeing us separately and jointly continues to tell me that he has to be accountable for his actions and I have to let go and not try to control for possible negative outcomes. That I need to let it go and let whatever happens happen. I am at the point where I believe we, I, need some time apart from him. HOW DO YOU DO IT? I am trying to sift the focus from him to me. :titanic Thank you for this website, it has been a gift from God.