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Old 07-12-2012, 09:01 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
kristelyne
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: columbus, ohio
Posts: 1
Help me help my friend

I guess a little background is in order.

I have been friends with this man for 23 years (I am female). It was love at first sight. At least I know it was for me. He had been sober for about 2 years. After our year together, joined at the hip, he remained sober, even taking me to bars, but he never drank. I've never been a drinker myself, so one or two is plenty for me.

After a year together, our friendship grew into a romantic friendship. We loved each other and wanted to be together, but his wife had just died and he was not ready. I was in my mid-20s and the clock was ticking. It was between him, "G", and another, "R". I chose "R" because he was ready to marry and I saw no signs of "G" being close to ready.

20 years later, "R" and I separated and "G" and I reunited; "G" had been sober 12 years total, but had a 2-year relapse, and was recently sober again for the last few months.

NOTE: Please excuse my errors in nomenclature. I now "sober" is supposed to be called "in recovery".

For 2.5 years, "G" and I have been joined at the hip again. We love each other still have have never stopped. Sadly, he relapsed again just a few weeks ago.

His relapse is breaking my heart in every way possible. The last time, he laid on his sofa for 2 years drinking a gallon of vodka every day and not eating until he was finally taken to the emergency room and started recovery again. We reconnected a few months after THAT recovery. I didn't even know he had relapsed.

Regardless, we started our relationship again in May of '10, just two months after he started recovery. I understood he wasn't ready to be in a relationship again, even though I was not and never have been an alcoholic (I guess that makes me a "normie").

However, I have addiction problems myself. Addictions to cigarettes (boo hoo), and food (potential death). So although I do not understand alcohol addiction, I understand addiction itself. In particular, I believe food addiction is very, very, very similar.

So he's been relapsed about a month now. He tells me he wants to stop, he KNOWS he has to stop, and he knows that if he doesn't, this time, it's death. He also refers to himself as "out of control" and "needing to get away".

Our ties are deeply emotional, not physical. But that doesn't really matter, other than the fact that we don't co-habitate so there is no fear for my safety. My physical safety.

I can't watch him die. I spent a year with him 20-some years ago, and 2.5 years ago with him since mid-2010. I had never seen him drunk until now.

It's like a time warp. We are exactly where we were 20 years ago, except this time he's relapsed. Do I wait for him or reconcile with my spouse? Do I stay by his side and support him? If I reconcile with my spouse, I will not be "allowed" to have contact with him at all.

I want to help him, support him, encourage him ... whatever it takes to get him into recovery again. He says I don't understand the alcoholic mind, but I do, to a degree. Is he too far gone? Do I back away? Do I wait for him to call me? Do I continue to bring him food so at least he gets something to eat every day?

He is my love.
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