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Hello Magpie.
There is an Alanon forum on this website but although I never go there I happen to know that there are alot of strong couragous people there who may be able to give you some valuable feedback.
If you do attend face to face alanon meetings I want to encourage you to keep going.
Infidelity is such a painful issue and when we use the term "brokenheart" to describe our pain it can never accurately express the level of anguish we feel.
I empathise with your pain but I believe that if there is still love in your relationship perhaps a counsellor may be able to help you.
Best of luck to you.
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Tiro
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