Hey Jake - I am going to be presumptuous and try to respond to your questions. I say presumptuous because in my several months sober, I have only set foot once in an AA meeting (so my rationale won't be a learned one...from meetings anyway). One last note before i respond; I'm either the essence of AA, or its antichrist. Because i don't go to meetings, but 100% of every word in the BB makes all the sense in the world to me (including the 12 steps), and I have been able (attempting anyway) to live by its code and understanding without the fellowship of meetings...(I see the contradiction in that last part, except that SR gives me fellowship too).
Powerless Over Alcohol:
I think everybody here trips over the term Powerless, and frankly for perspective reasons only. If I was in a small boat with a hole, that allowed water to seep in, I may decide that with 2 inches of water in the boat, it still floats, and I like the feeling of the water on my bare feet. Keeps them cool and hydrated. The problem is, it's a hole, I'm in the middle of the ocean, and frankly it doesn't stop at 2 inches, it keeps on filling up till the boat sinks. In this sense, "I am powerless over the ocean, in that I can't stop it at the 2inch fill mark". No matter how hard or fast i try, i just won't stop the boat from filling up. Understanding this, and despite the great feeling of wet toes, and the comforting shiver it sends throughout my body, I plug the hole with a stopper before it ever fills up. Did I exercise power over the ocean? In once sense, yes, the ultimate power - I stopped it from ever entering. But in another sense, I have reconciled the fact that once I open the hole, i will never be in control.
This is alcohol. If I was a normie, i could stop at 2 drinks. In my case, I can't. This inability to stop at 2 is what the "powerlessness" implies. The point of the first step is acknowledging, understanding, believing and resolving that YOU CATEGORICALLY CAN NOT CONTROL YOUR INTAKE OF ALCOHOL. The moment you have one drink, it's all out of your hands. It's purpose is not to say that you can't stop (i.e. powerless to stop); rather, don't try to moderate or control it, because you won't win. It has to be binary - I either drink and accept all its consequences, or I don't.
Higher Power
I believe the reconciliation with a higher power is purely to take the monkey off your back, because so long as it sits there, you will have a propensity to drink. Again, I am very lucky here, because my faith is very strong well before alcoholism. But permit me for a moment to point out the a_s_s_hole you are for even starting this post. The insensitivity you show to AA followers is frankly unfathomable and selfish. Frankly, it's unconscionable..........
Ok - You might guess that I am deliberately trying to insult you and cause all sorts of emotional anguish in your mind. I'm really trying to pierce right through you (although I might have failed), to prove a point about the 12 steps. Fundamental to AA is complete and total honesty. In this regard, it applies not just to lying but also to your intentions, your views, etc. I believe (although my belief is not relevant), that YOU BELIEVE that when you started this post, you had the most pure and honest of intentions. You really want to learn, you really want to heal, and this road block is standing in the way of your recovery. You are being HONEST. Nonetheless, in my above example, I reacted very very poorly to your thread. In fact I insulted you and told you how evil you were. Well how do you rationalize through it in a constructive way? First you ask, was I trying to hurt Mental? Nope. Was I sincere in my question? Yup. Am I really trying to help those around me by fostering this discussion? Yup. Then I was honest!! My Conscience is clear. But Mental still went "Mental" on me. Well I guess I am not in control of him or his actions....BAM - HIGHER POWER. THERE IS SOMETHING BEYOND ME AND MY WHEREWITHAL THAT CONTROLS MENTAL. IT MIGHT BE MENTAL HIMSELF, IT MIGHT BE NATURE, IT MIGHT BE GOD, BUT IT IS NOT ME!! Monkey removed, you are no longer accountable to everything that goes on in the world that you have no control over.
What if I continued to believe I control my own destiny (in this context, my virulent reaction to your post was part of your destiny)? Well, then you would have to accept that you failed miserably with this post, you hurt at least one person's feelings, and potentially every other AA'ers. GUESS HOW YOU ARE GOING TO TRY AND QUIET THAT GUILT?