Windblown

I had a drug and alcohol treatment counsellor with 30 years experience in the field tell me that I was an alcohol abuser and not an alcoholic. In A.A. I identify myself as an alcoholic because I don't see the difference. When I drink, my addiction starts after the first one, I must have more and more...then I never know who I will be or what will happen. I engage in destructive and risky behaivor. To me, that is alcoholic. Never mind I never drank every day, never drank anything but beer, never had the shakes, never drank in the morning, never needed a drink. However, because when I do drink, the physical craving develops and there is a personality change with unpleasant consequences...I say I'm an alcoholic.

Now for the bipolar thing. I was dxed. Long before it became popular to have this illness. I was dxed. 17 years ago. It was called manic-depression then. There is a stigma attached to mental illness same as alcoholism. So I often wonder why so many of my sponsors and people in A.A. Don't believe it exists. I have been off and on meds. I hate taking meds but if I don't I wind up drinking to self-medicate. I have been to many drs. To make sure the dx is correct and it is always the same dx.

So why is it that so many A.A.er's can't accept having bipolar and alcoholism. When I drink, the meds are rendered useless...when I don't drink and stop meds I wind up drinking to self-medicate. I love A.A. but have found such a large degree of people who think I would be better off taking no meds. The meds I take are not addictive. I have never been a pill popper. So why the problem and how can I as a strong A.A. Member help to overcome this stigma in A.A.? The Big Book talks about the manic-depressive about whom a whole chapter could be written and is least understood by his friends. I have been reading the NA text and they have two stories about mental illness and addiction but both case deal with schizophrenia...not manic depression or bipolar.

I hate that there is a strong possibility that bipolar has been over diagnosed in the last few years. And I was told by a dr. That to get a proper diagnosis one had to be free and clear of alcohol and drugs for at least 30 days as the mood swings share a commonality to bipolar.

Anyway, I have had to accept both the mental illnesses of alcoholism and bipolar....the 12 steps and A.A. On the whole help me deal with both. There are others like me and sometimes they share. There is a lovely older lady that freely talks about her alcoholism and bipolar....they seem braided together for those of us who have both. She has 25 years and yet, people are afraid to ask her to sponsor them. Then I have people trying to tell me that bipolar is all made up and to use herbal remedies. I have tried this and it works for awhile. But why when there are meds to help someone with an illness readily available....such as cancer...should one not help themselves...when not taking them proves to make life unmanageable?