Herowithin,
I have the same story in one way or the other, yet I did not ever touch heroin but came awful close. I just did everything that could go up my nose if it were a pill. As if that's any better, right?
I am just going to give you a little insight, it sounds as tho you are so torn inside. But you as a person, have to take a seat back and review your life. You obviously DON'T like were you have been, and it's pretty clear you don't like where it is currently....so you have to think about where your life is going to go if you make changes or if you don't.
I for one are in the same shoes with you with my husband if 14yrs. We both made the decision to quit doing drugs. My BEST friend in the world is a previous user and also my dealer. But we have ALWAYS kept the two seperate( and yes it is possible if it's a strong friendship). Well she goes to a methadone clinic and she had encouraged me to go. My husband on the flip side wanted to do Subs at home. So I did ALOT of research and found methadone was going to work best for me, while my husband felt different for himself. So he himself is currently doing a self Sub taper( which I don't recommend) and I myself are going through a methadone clinic.
Today is my third day going and I don't regret my decision what so ever!!! With addiction, which many fail to understand or don't want to understand, is that it's a disease that's always going to be there, just waiting to rear it's ugly side. Some people are on methadone for the rest of their lives due to the damage of what the drugs has done to their own endorphins system in Their brains. And you know what.. It's okay.
Idk how long I'm going to be there and I don't care. I just want to be well and stay well. Methadone works for some and Subs works for some. Subs do make me sick the entire time I have used them to self detox, but eventually I always went back because it doesn't offer the same brain chemistry support as methadone.
So my advice would only to be is do yourself a favor, before anything... and that is just try to decide where your life is now, if that's the life you want 2, 5, or even 20+ yrs from now and then have a plan and a goal. Then go from there. It's definitely not going to be fixed in 3 days but it can be fixed with determination and self education. I wish you the best in the future. I can't wait for my future, because I KNOW I am making the best decision for myself right now!!