Hey mrhodes,
Recovering drunk and occasional suicidal here too.
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I'm borderline suicidal (want to, but no plan), and I can't tell if I'm serious
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Do you have a councellor you can talk to? WHen I've talked about suicidal ideation and pointed out that I DON'T have a plan, they (therapist and pdoc) are cautious but don't try to hospitalize me.
You already know, but I'm going to say it anyway.. keep your day busy! If you aren't doing anything, pick up a book, go for a walk, even watch a good TV program (I know they are tough to find). Go to a larger AA meeting and get a book called "Living Sober". It'll help with the suicidal ideation too.
When I quit drinking, I was suicidal for a month. Straight. I have no clue how I survived it. I was put back on meds shortly after I got sober and have no clue whether or not it was the meds or it was the sobriety that finally helped.
You talk about being down on yourself...... just the fact that you are sober is an accomplishment.
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I haven't.... been able to move forward.
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You are moving forward..... refer to "you're sober"
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Heck, I really lose it when I think about the fact that this is likely to come back sometime in my life.
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I'm going to quote one of AA's axioms.... "one day at a time". It works. It really does! I'm coming up on my year sober and still go suicidal every now and then and I survive it one day at a time.
Please keep on posting.... it really helps!
Oh yeah, congrats on 3 weeks!