So... today was the first day i went to a doctor and was put on suboxone. I guess for so many months of thinking and researching about this opition i had a vision of how this visit would go....
I visioned i would meet the doctor and he would ask me how my addiction started what i had taken in my years of addiction...ect ect.
Turns out i was the first patient to arrive at 9:20am and my apt. wasnt until 9:45am but i had a lot of paper work to do... I waited and waited.... saw atleas 5 ppl(regulars) bee seen before me.... finnaly i was seen and basically told me i don't look sick enough to be going into withdrawls to be put on the meds first thing he says to me.... and i had been in atleast 24hrs of withdrawl i felt like death...i told him what i was feeling but he still kept implying that i was lying.... then he asked my what i had been taking i told him for the past year i started with tabs taking up to 7-10 a day then moving up to roxys to taking 2 a day.... sometimes 3 and taking adderol from time to time with them.... he said well i usually dont treat patients taking that low of a dose.. but im 20yrs old and very small girl i had been doing this for awhile and could never quit cold turkey i needed pills to make me normal to just wake up i didnt even get high anymore... i was reaching out to this man who only made me feel worse... like a liar..... anyways after hours of waiting then this run around he sent me to wal greens for a 6 strip dose for the next two days before my next follow up.... and this clinic is a hour away because all the clinics near me couldnt accept new patients for a month or two.... and i had already blew threw atleast 1,000 dollars for this habit... i cant pay my bills.. buy food or gas.... i needed help another route to save my job, my realationships with the people i loved and cared about whom i hurt and lied to every single day... i needed this to save my life give me a chance to start over... but im scared all that happened today just exhausted my hope.... this subs have made me feel strange but im not in w/ds just feeling tired...woozy... i dont i guess im just rabbling looking for advice.. someone to talk to about this day...
Much appericated!!! ~~Hannah~~
