I have dabbled with opiates from the end of 2010 until just recently. When I first started I would do oxy 30s a couple times a week, sometimes up to 9. Never had withdrawal symptoms when I had my first sober streak in early 2011. Used opiates a couple times over 2 weeks and moved myself into a halfway house shortly thereafter. Stayed sober 46 days before unfortunate events caused me to have to go home. Stayed off opiates for about another month after that and casually used over the summer, very occasionally. Fall of last year I found a new, better connect and started using methadone because of how long it lasted and the price was better.
Used every day in November and had my first withdrawal ever. It was hell. I felt completely horrible for close to 10 days and still off until almost week 3. I promised myself I would never put myself through that. Began using methadone again a couple weeks after all withdrawal symptoms left but limited myself to 2-3 days of use per week. I noticed that the day before I would normally score, I started feeling somewhat "off", thought it could be slight withdrawal or just in my head.
Anyway, 3 weeks ago, I decided drugs were making my life worse and I was needing larger doses to feel the same. Drugs weren't ruining my life but I wasn't advancing and I had a lot less money than I should. Decided to have one final use, which ended up being a binge, as I'd never had a big binge. So I did 14 oxy 30s (some IV) over 48 hours and a half a bag of heroin also IV for the first time. Then did 2 more bags of heroin 3 days later. I figured withdrawal would surely visit me after that binge so I got a few suboxone. Took a small dose everytime I felt withdrawal coming on for the first 2 weeks. Then I waited 4 days and started feeling a bit off and did a small piece and a final small piece 3 days ago.
I've had incredible anxiety and depression over the past 1.5-2 days and have felt achy and sometimes got a runny nose or diarrhea. So it's technically three days off any type of opiate. Should I expect the withdrawal to get worse? I am already at my edge in terms of anxiety and depression. I don't think I can stay clean if this withdrawal gets any worse. It's not even that bad, but my mental state is so terrible that its getting the best of me. I work a lot and can't take time off to rest at home, so I am hoping that what I feel now is the worst I will feel. I can handle the body aches but I can't handle feeling like I would rather be dead, with anxiety keeping me bedlocked today. Luckily today was my day off. I have recently been put on antidepressants along with xanax and have been on two anti-depressants over the past month so I'm wondering if the meds are also messing with my brain.
I don't want to go back to using but it is so much more simple to because I used opiates as a crutch to help me feel like everything was ok and everything I stressed over wasn't important. It gave me the feeling that I want to feel everyday. I know this can be done without drugs, but am afraid of how much more of this hell I may have to go through.
