[utopia]

hi all.

ive been in therapy for years and have undergone cognitive psycho thearpy and in alanon a 12step program

ive been on various antidepressants for 4 years for chronic depression. now after a gradual reduction ive been living without any medication or drugs (by my psychiatrists gudiance etc)

its been aweek or 2 and i feel very blase and indifferent.
i dont feel suicidal but i feel indispensable and uneeded. this feeling doesnt really sadden me though.
i was just dating this guy for several weeks and fell in love but it just ended abruptly and friendly but i feel sort of numb. i feel as if i have been sleeping for 4 years and now i have awoken. it feels that this real world im waking up in is all like the 4 yr dream and if u can imagine your sleeping dream becoming real, its so surreal.

what are ppls experiences with life wihtout drugs? i feel very strange, there was a time they drowned out the immense pain and hate i felt but dint know why, now that ive mostly dealt with the bulk of childhood abuse and all that im coming off the drugs and tha pain isnt really there but my god i feel somewhat detached and loopy!
toby :S