[shyQcodep]

As I've been bouncing around this board in the last 8 months (almost as long as I've been sober) this is one forum in which I've studiously avoided posting - I think mostly from lack of standing. Oh well, another door opens...

Since my hard spot two months ago (the ***just want to drink*** day which prompted me to fire my sponsor), my state of mind has gotten progressively worse. A month ago I took a brief (1 week) vacation, and when I got back to work after that I was largely unable to focus on work. I often cry before leaving for work and spend most of the day on the edge of tears, and my weekend days aren't a whole lot better. For the last 3 weeks, I've been lucky to get two good 12 hour periods in the week, with tears, anxiety and apathy the rest of the time.

I haven't had any serious drinking desires in this period, but everything else is falling apart. I've pretty much lost control of the personal finance stuff which I'd begun to get a handle on, I'm doing the absolute minimum on stuff like laundry and shopping, and I've been seriously afraid that I'll lose my job. (Although I learned yesterday that job loss isn't the risk so much as spending time out on disability.)

Last Tuesday I finally told my therapist that I was "open to biochemical support". After she looked at me blankly I said something like "You know, anti-depressants". She agreed that I was in pretty rough shape and that medication was appropriate. It took some time to get my physician on the same page with my therapist, but her fax went off to him this Tuesday noting that my mood had become "labile" and that she was recommending 10 mg per day of Lexapro.

I finally was able to start the Lexapro last night, so I am now a one day wonder authority on Lexapro side effects. I do hope that the stomache upset and gas go away soon.... The good news is that even on day one I haven't had any crying spells. Placebo? Too strong a dose? Coincidence?

I don't know.

James