Step 1 - a process?
I'm taking the opportunity to share/vent about how Step 1 is going for me.
As a preface, I've recently starting taking prescribed psychiatric meds for a mental health condition, which have begun to address some of the symptoms and thoughts associated with my diagnosis, many of which were manifesting in meetings (as they are pretty much the only place where I interact with people aside from my family at this point).
Yesterday I got to a point where I had to share at an AA meeting what was going on for me and despite all the negative thoughts that occurred afterwards I'm glad I did. I needed to and got some good feedback afterwards.
Now that the meds have started stabilising me and although I need more mental health treatment I'm left with my alcoholism - anger, shame, fear and quite a bit of denial - and the only option seems to be to attend more meetings than I've been going to and try my best to be honest! A scary proposition.
As I see it the only way I can fully accept that my life is unmanageable (I'm getting to the powerless over alcohol part of the step I think) is by keeping the We in the wording of the step closely in mind and sharing what's going on for me with others, and listening, to the best of my ability.
I thought I'd be able to read out a written step one and get immediate acceptance but that's not the way it's happening for me, personally. I so want to rush through the steps, rush through The Big Book and be "cured". Trying to hang onto "one day at a time" this evening.