in my recovery I have had to think of different illustrations or myths to help me put the pieces together, because the emotions are so confusing when it comes to interacting with addiction that it can be very crazy making. for me mapping, journaling, posting, calendars...I use every tool I can find.
One is myth...this one is about Pandora and her box. She opened it out of curiosity, much like I entered into a relationship with my ex (naive curiosity about this new man entering my life, a beautiful possibility for love) and when Pandora opened the box she released all the spites (nasty little spiteful fairies known as harpies and such) into her world. In my myth these "spites" are the cohort demons of the devil crack, and include such lovely things as lying, deceit, total resource squandering, disappearing, no self esteem, unloveableness, unworthiness, bi-polar exacerbated by episodic binge use, depression, loss of his masters program, unemployability, etc, etc. Mind you these are not MY spites, these are the ones I got when I opened the box of being with him.
The one sole positive thing in Pandora's box was HOPE. And believe me, that little fairy lite of hope has had her fekking hands full. I have had hope fighting this dark army of spites for two years. She has been doing battle trying to keep hope alive...and is just simple exhausted.
Some here will say you can get addicted to hope.
I know this much, I am reaching in and retrieving that beautiful little pixie, that beautiful part of myself, my hope, and lifting her off that battlefield. The spites that she has been fighting are not her own and she cannot win, she can only keep fighting until she's dead.
He needs his own hope.
Mine has been abused.
I want to start focusing my hope on creative, powerful, positive, life energy...rather than keep throwing it into the deep dark bull pit.
I apologize if this mythologizing is annoying. I think addiction is a dark fantasy indeed, vampires? maybe.
There is hope for those who struggle with addiction, but I believe it has to be THEIR hope.
peace to you