Thanks everyone. I like the journal idea, I am a writer so it should come naturally to me.
I am going to the cinema tonight with my Husband and Sister. I have already done my usual 'cinema trick' of filling two juice bottles with wine to take into the film in my bag. I need to be strong and leave them at home but my mind is saying "It's the last day of your holiday, enjoy yourself" etc etc. Will I be strong? I hope so. My Husband promised me this morning (in the middle of a big panic attack) that if any alcohol crosses our door he will pour it down the sink. But I will lie to him, or worse = play him like any good alcoholic can.
I want a normal life. I want a healthy life. I must get past this hurdle