hi all
well ive had diagnosed chronic depression for years and been on meds since i was 16, im now 20 and coming off of them. ive been through a lot of psychotherapy, cognitive and this year ive been in alanon a 12 step program for rellies and friends of alcoholics. i have ot say im amazed that i could find happiness and i wonder sometimes think my depression was a side effect of being a child in an abusive alcoholic home.
i still feel sad sometimes but what gets e through is knowing that after sadness i can cherish happiness all the more, change is a constant journey for me with no end or destination.
the drugs were important to block pain while i slowly healed and now ion no drugs i feel so strange, realityis so surreal to me, happiness is so scary and discomforting, theres discomfort in the comforts of love and peace.
i guess with time i can grow comfortable with the new love and happiness in my life and stop seeing things as stressed and doomed when i can view things however i desire, 'mentally ill' i used to call that the result of when pain cuts too deep,
now i think its a societal name for people who cant deal with pain, and rightly so! we all need help and i had to start with me instead of those around me. its a blessing to know i can be complete withing myself without drugs or a relationship. in awe of reality, becos i do not know it
thanks
toby
