Thanks anvilhead and zoso. Needed to hear this. RED FLAG after RED FLAG. Need to find my WHITE FLAG now. I am so thankful for SR and this community. I can breathe a little deeper now. Going to yoga and meditation daily which has been pretty powerful and I will go to a meeting tomorrow. I realized my whole life was getting messed up with him. My future career as a doctor, my finances, and probably family and friend relationships as well. Time to put my focus elsewhere. I think writing in these forums has been some of the most powerful therapy so far. That being said, I think it is time for therapy. I don't really have the finances but I would like to make it work for my sanity and future. Wow, I just realized all I am doing for my own recovery as a codependent while he is doing nothing. Huh. Wake up call...this is awesome! Just would love the sleepless nights and depressed moments to end NOW.