[VanillaSugar21]

Lately I haven't felt like myself. Everyone wants me to explain what I mean and I don't know how to. All I know is I'm not me. I mean everything is going good lately. Well kinda... my therapist and I talk a lot about my meeting my new doctor and what we think should happen. I haven't been depressed in a good bit. I get sad sometimes but it's usually because something has happened and I get disappointed. I had to cancel my driver's test because I been having days where I just totally freak out. Not like flip out. I just can't deal with everything. I haven't seen a doctor in 2 months almost and the side effects from the lamictal have me in h*ll. I try to explain to my mom that I need to do certain things and I'm sorry that I can't do other things she wants me to do or I can't be what she wants me to be right now. I can't be what I want me to be right now. I feel like sh*t 24/7. I have over 50% of the side effects for lamictal and if you look them up none of them are good. Being 21 and losing your hair does not thrill me. It makes me cry. I'm 21 I need my hair! I love my hair! Feeling like I'm sick all the time doesn't help any. I'm not actually sick... it's just the side effects but coughing all the time and having my ears hurt all the time isn't fun either and getting what every female looks at as "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" all the time. I feel like my body is falling apart and all I want is for them to take me off this medication so this h*ll I have been living in can go back to being my life. Oh my head hurts! I had more I wanted to say but I forget what it was... so I'ma just go take an advil and lay on the swing outside so I can make my mom happy by being outside for a lil.