Hi Shaun...nice to meet you.
I am an alcoholic with seventeen years of sobriety under my belt, and I recovered through the AA program. It took me about fourteen years to transition from spirtually safe ground to the slippery slope of control, self-protection and self-will. Suffice it to say, I experienced the same crisis as you. I am still working on it, and have learned enough to know I have to keep working on it.
I have no desire to drink. Alcoholism has impacted my life in so many ways. I lost my brother to alcohol-induced liver cancer when he was 34. My parents were tortured by it. My immediate family was negatively impacted by it'; even those siblings that never picked up a drink. Extended family still suffers from it, and the impact on their children makes my heart ache. I hate alcohol and all it represents. I grieve for those who still suffer.
No, for me, it is not about living alcohol free. Been there, done that. It is about being where I was - spirtually fit and living a purposeful life - that inspires me to write here.
I believe in this program. It took me a long time to get where I was at, but that, my friend, was the lesson in all of it. I will continue to learn. I will continue the work, I will continue to try to grasp all that I have experienced in applying the steps and principles of AA.
You were meant to post here, and I was meant to see it.
I will walk with you.