I stopped doing drugs because I knew it had a hold on my life. I stopped talking and hanging out with the people or the so called friends that I had during that time because I knew I had too, that it was not doing anything good for me. I lost contact with the good friends I had because they didnt want to have anything do do with an addict. I started to take care of myself, working like crazy, doing well for myself. I have a wonderful boyfriend, fantasitc family, but no girl friends, no ''coffee"buddies, I don't go out for "girl night outs".
Tonight my boyfriend went out with his friends which I have no problem with. I trust him and I love him. But when he goes out with the "boys", I get this over whelming sense of emptiness. Lonliness... I usually spend my nights when I am not with my BF, sitting at home, crying, or cleaning, or sitting on the computer. Feeling like I could just end things now, and I would NEVER have to feel like this again, I would never have to feel pain and sadness. I have the pills, I have the time, no one would or could find me until it was too late. I love my family and BF but I feel like I can't take the feeling of being alone, or having no 'friendships'. I am sick of being 'alone' sick of my messed up life.
I am not expecting a reply. Thanks for reading and letting me vent.
