[lonlion]

Hi Want2; I can completely sympathize with your situation, and also have been on both sides of the fence. I was in a 20 year marriage and in the end my husband was following me when I went out with my female friends for dinner and innocent outings.
He would shout at me when I arrived home and called me every name under the sun, you know those nasty names women hate to be called.
He became so obsessed and convinced in his mind that I was out with men, that he decided to cheat on me. I was monogomous and faithful the full 22 years we were together. No amount of swearing on the bible, swearing on my dear grandmothers grave or anything could convince him otherwise. He became very emotionally ill.
Needless to say once I found out about his cheating after everything he had put me through, I terminated our long time marriage with 4 children.
Now I have trust issues, and realize they go back to my childhood. My therapist told me when we are raised in a household with an alcoholic or addict, we are not capable of learning trust. We can't trust that our parent will be there for us. In my case my dad would be physically and emotionally abusive, then when drunk want and expect us to run into his arms and be his loving children, all the while we were afraid the "other" dad would surface at any time. We constantly received mixed signals, he loves us, then he turns on us. No wonder so many of us have trust issues. We couldn't trust the love we received as children.
Hard to work through, but I am working on my own self esteem now and trying to tell myself I am a good person, I am worthy of love, and I can't force situations in life. If a relationship is for me, then it will be, if not, I will survive and keep my self esteem in tact.
All the best to you, and just remember, work through this to the best of your abilities, try to calm your thoughts and relax. Every day that we are clean and happy are days to celebrate.