[Want2Change]

hi,
i'm new to this board and need to say i'm glad i found it. i'll fill people in on more of me in the future but right now i have a issue that is rising up again and its like it never ended with my divorce...insecurities and codependancy and untrusting issues. i was in a marriage for a few years and we fell in love to quickly and the bottom line was i felt i could not trust her for any reason in the world and she gave me no reson not to trust her. i always felt less than and not good enough for her, jealous of her and her friends for i never had many friends. i'm a very drawn within person and maybe that has alot to do with why i am like i am.

my present cituation,
i recently have been dating this girl that goes to my work. we had sex the first night and one other time since then(its been a week we have been dating). i am very close to being in love and know it's not love but dont know what it is. it scares me cause i feel like its gonna end with my insecurities and codependancy again. she has mostly male friends and that seriously bothers me. i feel like i hafta play myself up and talk myself up and act like something i aint sometimes to let her see "i am worthy". i am trying so hard not to act like i have in the past but oh man what a fierce feeling of something i get in my gut and whole body. i want to learn how to trust and how to accept that my way isnt the only way or that the relationship if one happens isnt what i say it is, its mutual and i want to be able to accept that also and not just say it. i think about her constantly, play out scenes of the future i want in my head of us, play out scenes of breaking up or just all kinds of crazy things. remember i've been with her for less than a week and its not even like we are serious. we both know its going in a direction that we both want but my speedometer has a few more zeros after the number than hers. i just dont want my insecurities and codependancy issues and jealousies and untrustingness to make it end horribly like my marriage did. i dont know how to stop it though. the harder i try the more it pains me and makes me think of the things that make me crazy. any help will do. thanks