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The negative thoughts were at an all time high last night. I wound up in the doctor's office this morning with extremely high blood pressure, I was pale and in tears. I had been up most of the night and was a wreck. My heart was pounding and I thought I was losing my mind. I had forgotten what an anxiety attack felt like since I hadn't had one in several years. No wonder I'd forgotten -- they're not fun.
My doc didn't recommend Effexor because I would need to taper off the prozac and gradually add the effexor, she didn't want me to wait that long. We decided to add more dosage to the prozac and the med buspar. We talked about xanax, but it won't work for my wake-up time during the night and when I need to go to work in the morning. I'm shooting for short-term in this, so I'm going to try hard to exercise everyday (my dog will be SO happy that mom is finally taking her for walks again!) and I've decided to stay away from things that trigger the bad thoughts -- sappy music and movies are the biggies. My doc is confident this isn't a bi-polar issue, but depression with anxiety. I'm going to give it some time and see what happens. I'm hoping I don't have another night like last night. It's very embarrassing to have to call absent into work because you're falling apart emotionally.
I've also decided to stop fighting the insomnia and negative thoughts. When they start happening, if I can't stop it right away, I will get up and start my day. I never go back to sleep anyway, so I may as well quit having pity parties until it's time to get up for work.
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