Originally Posted by
Jay1980 
I know all of the AA Rules and Suggestions. I've been in and out of the program for quite a while. I personally never agreed with some of the rules and suggestions. The biggest one was that you shouldn't date for your first year of sobriety. The way I see it is that you can't stop living life. Dating and relationships are a part of life. I know this is only my opinion but I feel pretty strongly about it. Just because you're sober doesn't mean a relative won't pass away in the first year or that you won't lose your job in the first year. Anyone else have any thoughts on this?
Hey Jay,
Those sayings may be around AA and whatever, but they did not originate from within AA. Those sayings and "rules" come from rehabs and detox centers and whatever else, but not from AA.
For myself, I don't agree with those sayings either, but at the same time, I don't agree that
anything comes before doing and living a recovery program of some kind, you know?
For me, I started with AA, did a supervised 30 day detox, and a 2 month rehab stay. My experience with dating was I dated every chance i could while getting sober. As a matter of fact, I got booted out for a night because I not only missed curfew, but I had some sex on this particular date too.
I slept outside, in the rehab's garage. Not a big deal for me, I'd slept outside in worse conditions, besides, I was sober, and feeling pretty good about my date that night.
I was always in trouble one way or another in early sobriety on my dating behaviors. I was constantly told I was gonna get drunk, and I was only fooling myself, etc. My dates were the least of my problems, lol. It was more the rocking-of-the-boat that my behaviors were causing others, lol.
Well, I never did get drunk, and as for fooling myself, I don't regret a single date I went on. And to be clear, some of those dates, alot of them, were just one night stands, or otherwise in a relationship for just some simple human comfort, love, and yes, sex too.
The thing is, I never put myself and my selfish desires before the program of my recovery. At the same time,
I didn't lie to myself about what I really wanted to both give and receive in those past relationships. I was upfront and honest, and i didn't have secrets. It was very plain to all who knew me (or of me) what and who I was during (doing) those early years. It was something I was not ever ashamed of, and I always enjoyed when somebody thought they had one on me by talking about my behaviors, it only made things easier for me, you know? I had nothing to hide.
You know, its really about being true to yourself, your sobriety, your understanding of spirituality, your love for others, morality, ethics, etc.
Sobriety is to be a lived experience, not something we are supposed to model and show off, and then sell ourselves on, and then attempt to live. We live by real-life experience, and that includes dating and relationships.
Cheers!