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Old 11-21-2011, 12:13 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Pigtails
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by 1undone View Post
I understand how you feel. I did drink whenever for whatever reason toward the end of my drinking career but I'm just today starting to have the pangs and confused addict conversations in my head about drinking. I hate this part of recovery and trying to live a more healthy life. Also at the same time this exhausts me mentally. All this fighting to stay away from this situation or person or that.

All I can say is that the more we do the right thing the more natural it will become. Already we are in a better state of mind as we are drinking 90% less than we ever did. I give us a 10% error rate! LOL I too have to think about what the outcome of drinking will be. Swollen face, legs, hands, sweating, weight gain, body hurting, days of being afraid I'll do it again and never stop and just die. Oh I could go on and on... The worst part for me would be the relationship damage. I have plenty of reasons not to drink yet the addict voice is still at it.

It's just so frustrating!
I wish recovery didn't involve such confusion and angst. I am enjoying the happier, healthier thoughts but not the torn thoughts about "why CAN'T I?" and "can I EVER?" etc. It's really nerve-wracking and feels like a constant struggle. If I could go off on a desserted island or stay at home forever, it would be so much easier. But I need to learn how to live in the real world without drinking. That is by far the hardest part for me.
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