Take it easy on yourself, especially with new meds. As you recover, so will your self esteem.
Self-esteem is the reputation you earn with yourself. And depression tells you that you are worthless. It will get better, but in the meantime sometimes it is enough to survive.
These days I get lonely, but not empty. However, I am by nature pretty much of a loner....caught up in my own head and projects. Lonely because I miss the people I love. But I can call the old ex, because we have a special rapport. In a relationship, he is crazy as hell and abusive. But long distance, in time and space, has allowed us to be very special friends.
So, cool, if you had a helpful conversation.
I couldn't have any contact with mine for two years because I was addicted to him and it messed me up badly.
But today, he is one of my dearest friends.
The emptiness does get filled with yourself, trust me. It takes time being well.
It is an immensely frustrating and helpless feeling getting there. And, yes, it feels unfair to have to work so hard to be and have what "normal" people have always had.
And, ya know what? I didn't brush my teeth today!
I am so about taking care of my insides, I neglect the outside. That's a symptom.
I will never be cured, but with proper treatment, the illness is arrested.
And then there are those "off" days mama never told me about
I chant to myself, "This too will pass" annd I use escapes...reading, sleeping, writing.
With care and concern,
Tena