SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - I'M cycling too rapidly and need it to stop!!!!!!!

shutterbug · 09-05-2004, 12:02 AM

From one day to the other,
From one sentence to the next,
I don't know how I will talk, walk or react.

New meds, Major depression of this episode is leaving me feeling hopeless.
I'm scared. I've gained 10 pounds in less than 10 days trying eating candy to thinking it might fill this void I have. I crave candy bars and chocolate everything.

I want to be a functioning human again.
I don't want to feel so different from everyone else.

They (my sister, husband and kids) are all asleep as well they should be, but here I am. The weird one, the insomniac who can't spell - you know, the crazy one. Why can't I be like these other peoplem I know who grew up with great family environments and have self-esteem and self-worth?

I have too long of a road ahead of me to be feeling this horrible already. I just want to be loved. Rationally, I know I am loved by you guys and my family and friends, but it's not the same. All my life, I've searched for someone to fill that void and make me whole - and never found it and never will.

I wish I was cold hearted and couldn't feel this pain that's been with me forever. I'm in such a dark and lonely place right now.

needing things I can't have right now,
Jenna

09-05-2004, 12:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,947 Blog Entries: 5	I'M cycling too rapidly and need it to stop!!!!!!! From one day to the other, From one sentence to the next, I don't know how I will talk, walk or react. New meds, Major depression of this episode is leaving me feeling hopeless. I'm scared. I've gained 10 pounds in less than 10 days trying eating candy to thinking it might fill this void I have. I crave candy bars and chocolate everything. I want to be a functioning human again. I don't want to feel so different from everyone else. They (my sister, husband and kids) are all asleep as well they should be, but here I am. The weird one, the insomniac who can't spell - you know, the crazy one. Why can't I be like these other peoplem I know who grew up with great family environments and have self-esteem and self-worth? I have too long of a road ahead of me to be feeling this horrible already. I just want to be loved. Rationally, I know I am loved by you guys and my family and friends, but it's not the same. All my life, I've searched for someone to fill that void and make me whole - and never found it and never will. I wish I was cold hearted and couldn't feel this pain that's been with me forever. I'm in such a dark and lonely place right now. needing things I can't have right now, Jenna __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).