[spirit]

hi denise, you are not alone mate, even though it feels like it. we are all here for you, never forget that ok.

kel has given you some excellant strategies, my favs are writing things down. you are good at writing, it seems to be a bit of a talent you ahve there. you express yourself well when you write here. so take up kel's idea, make a journal, write down what is happening for you. make a list of good and bad things. things you can change things you cant. maybe write a number of journals, for different issues.

writing is a really good way of getting stuff out of your head, especially when your head feels like it is spinning around - i know it works for me!!!

re nervous breakdown - can mean many things to many people. i had a client once, who said in broken english that his wife had broken nerves! i thought that was a better description really. her nerves felt shattered, but not her.

she had lost her 'bottle', strength etc, but knowing that she wasnt mad made her realise she could regain that strength, you will too.

i think it would be good to see the dr, maybe just to have someone to talk to, ring a counselling line, even an AA one, just to vent for a bit. write stuff down.

i hope this helps, try not to dwell on things you cannot change, yes acknowlege that you dont like them etc, but dont let them overwhelm your thnking and 'freeze' your nerve mate. recognise you cannot be everything to everyone all the time, and you especially cannot be those things, if you cannot be yourself first!

hugs to you mate
kath