Anxiety is me and I am my anxiety. I have panic disorder along with generalized anxiety disorder and the curse of all, major depression. I'm rubber stamped, certified, numerous shrinks and psychologists diagnosing all of the above numerous times over 20 years.
Heck, back in the day, one doctor even worked with me through biofeedback, hooked to all the wires and monitors. Through intense meditation, I could lower my blood pressure, respiration...and my hand temperature would remain in the 80-degree Fahrenheit range. Cold and clammy is me and I am cold and clammy.
Sweating is me and I am sweat. I could sit in a business meeting and begin to feel the onslaught of a panic attack. Within minutes, my dress shirt would be soaked in sweat, dark blotches on chest, back, armpits, sweat dripping onto my glasses, off my forehead onto my Jerry Garcia tie, my hair plastered to my head as if I had just gotten out of the shower.
The answer? Every antidepressant known to man, with Xanax, and finally Klonopin to sooth the rough edges. I added marijuana and beer to the stew to round the sharp corners.
I still had panic attacks. Then, the Klonopin was increased over a decade to 20 milligrams. I can find no medical reference where anyone is prescribed 20 milligrams of Klonopin.
And I washed them down with beer and huffed joints like cigarettes.
A year ago, I got sober. The first few months, panic was me and I was panic. Sweat was me and I was sweat.
I don't have panic attacks anymore. I don't live on Klonopin anymore. I don't take the maximum does of every antidepressant out there, changing every two years as the efficacy evaporated.
I live in the tropics. I walk for exercise and to get out of my head and I sweat, but sweat ain't me and I ain't sweat...it's a biological function to cool the body. It bugs me, but when I stop walking and get inside, the sweat evaporates, my shirt dries, and I don't panic. My hands are always warm and dry.
I think sobriety and working out my crap in the rooms of AA and NA helps.
What do you think?