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Old 09-07-2011, 02:17 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
fulloffaith
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: boston ma
Posts: 70
Only speaking for myself, I feel like I never got a sincere apology from stbxah. But it would have, and still could make a huge difference. He often through out a sorry but it was obviously to get me to back off or just to smooth things over.

A sincere apology would mean the world to me. It would mean that real sobriety was reached, and even though addiction is an illness, he played a role in allowing it to continue/rejecting sobriety.

Being realistic, I'm not sure if a true apology is possible. There is so much denial w/ the disease. It's like my husband and I saw things through a different lens (him buzzed, me sober). So he (and his disease) always convinced him that things were not that bad. He was (and still is) incapable of really seeing how his drinking affected me and the kids. So not sure it is possible, but a true apology would mean a lot. It would mean he was well enough to see his own alcoholism and it's effect on his family. I almost think this (along with sober behaviors/living) would be a sign of personal growth and accountability for him.

My husband is still drinking. He came home for 6 weeks after almost a year living apart from family. At end of 6 wks he was drinking again and is now out for good. We r divorcing. I say this, because before I made decision for him to come home, he had not apologized. He was doing aa, but I guess just going through the motions. At the time, I spoke with a friend and was asking exactly your question....why has he not apologized? Will he ever apologize? I made the choice to give our marriage a last chance and figured he'd apologize in time. He did not. He started drinking and is now gone. I think that a true and genuine apology, for our relationship, would have made a difference. Not just the words; I think the true and honest apology only comes after true and real sobriety. Does that make sense? Just my thoughts....
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