EveningRose

Most days, I feel pretty good. I have been advised by absolutely everyone outside of my immediate family circle, to stay away from them. I have done so, and have built a good life and social circle outside them. But today I'm feeling down. It might be partly exhaustion and a lot on my to-do list. I think it's partly because yesterday was my son's graduation party so I had to deal with them. I mostly just stayed away and talked to my own friends. But one of those friends also knows my mother quite well, has for many years since before I moved back. She told me my mother was quite surprised to find that she and I are friends, and gave her the third degree (her words) asking question after question.

I don't know what questions she asked. I don't really know if she was upset that this woman is friends with me. I didn't ask partly because I didn't want to be bad-mouthing my mother to someone who has know her for years and is sort of a friend, and partly because I don't want my family issues to be the center of conversation.

But I'm left for once not even knowing what I feel or what to do with the emotions dredged up by hearing this. I'm back to feeling that even my extended family will gradually cut me off because I'm the 'bad' daughter who's being so 'awful' to my parents and siblings. (Don't ask me how I got from A to B, it's just what I ended up feeling.)

I sometimes talk to friends about these things. I know that's what friends are for, and I would listen to them, too, but right now, I don't want to be the one who always has some problem and drama. Even though I didn't cause this. So I'm avoiding talking to anyone or contacting anyone. I'm trying to focus on the many good things in my life, but right now, I feel like it's just stuffing down something that maybe I really need to deal with. But I don't know how.