I could blame my parents
I could blame my genetics
I could blame my friends
I could blame 2 marriages that were failures
I could blame my 2 ex husbands
I could blame my ex fiance
I could blame my ex lovers
I could blame my some of my exes for affairs
I could blame my friends
I could blame my jobs
I could blame my kids
I could blame my finances
I could blame my birthdays
I could blame parties
I could blame holidays
I could blame life
I could find anything but me to blame
But ultimately the blame lies within me. I can say that because when I stopped drinking I had just moved over 2500 miles to live with someone that told me the only reason I was brought out here was because she wanted to make her ex jealous so she would take her back. I had no friends here and very few by the time I left the state I had been living in.
My job was shaky from my drinking. I had just given up a 12 year career that I was good at to move. I had to find another place to live. During that time I was supporting my kids, my ex, my exes ex and her daughter. I had to move into an apartment for the first time in over 20 years. My finances were a mess. Needless to say I had no support system in place.
But I had to take responsibility for my life and the choices I made of my own free will. I was the only one who could fix those problems. I had to make that decision with basically no support. To blame anyone or anything for my actions would have been not only pointless but would serve absolutely no purpose. Blame was not going to make me or keep me sober. Yes, things would have been a bit easier I suppose if I had a support system but not having one was not the reason I chose to continue to drink.
I could have started drinking again at 6 months of sobriety, when I had a motorcycle accident that only nearly killed me but nearly took both my right arm and right leg. A tree branch was lodge in my arm and my right leg had several fractures to the thigh bone. Instead I was thankful to have an arm and that through medical science was able to have a rod and pins put in to hold that broken bone together till it healed. My recovery took over a year. I spent a month in the hospital, 4 months in a wheelchair, several months on crutches, several more with a walker, and several more with a cane. I went from a well paying job to welfare. But ultimately I had to make the choice to do those things that were going to keep me sober. I had to stay in and work the program of recovery I had chosen to use.
I drank because I am an alcoholic. Until I came to terms with that I was going to continue to drink and blame everyone and everything for my drinking. This past year I celebrated 10 years of sobriety. I am thankful for every day of it.
Sorry this was so long