Hello everyone, as you know it, I'm a first timer poster here. After what happened yesterday, I've decided to look for some support groups on the internet and lo and behold, I found this site.
I am not an alcoholic nor I am abusing drugs. The reason I just joined is because of my father. He has been drinking for more than 30 years and I'm basically on my last straws with him.
I thought it would be helpful, first of all, some (or most) of us are struggling with our loved ones with alcoholism and drug abuse. Secondly, I can get some feedback from the ones who had the similar situation I'm in - these would be greatly appreciated! Lastly and most importantly, I know I'm not the only one out there.
I don't want to sound like a pity party but how can I get help if I don't share my story so here it is...
I'm almost 28, that makes me an ACA, I have an alcoholic father. He is married to my-non alcoholic mom for almost 33 years, that's pretty amazing, at least to me. My dad has been drinking much longer than I've been here. All my life, I have seen him drinking. He is a everyday drinker. I don't think his alcoholism has turned for the worse until recently. My mom described him as a borderline alcoholic, but that is not the case anymore. He is an alcoholic, period.
Growing up, watching my dad going to work everyday. Every morning was the only time he did not drink. He would show up at work and come home and first thing he always did when he got home was to grab a can of beer. I would say he averaged about 4-6 cans of beers per night after work. Even his alcoholism during my childhood wasn't so bad, I told him several times I wished he wasn't drinking. That wasn't until the point that he was informed that he would be let go from his job. That was about 3 years ago. Sure enough, he was heartbroken that after about 30 years, he was unemployed. That made my mom the breadwinner in the household.
Ever since, he hasn't gotten an interview done or even hired. He has been staying home all day. The only places he goes is to the liquor store nearby or going with his friends every Friday nights for a couple hours and that is it. He graduated from 6 cans a day to 24 cans a day. He usually take slurps of 24 beer cans a day so that way he can go to the store again and buy another 24 pack. Not to mention that his unemployment benefits has stopped last month. I kept wondering, how the hell can he go buy 24 pack almost everyday if he don't make any money? Probably from what my mom makes these days. I am so heartbroken to see them like this, financially-wise. It sucks. I'm sure the cost of 24 packs are staggering, let alone in a month, it could range from $250 to $300.
I told him I was so concerned about his health and well being. He was diagnosed with type II diabetes last year with another additional health problem. How can he get any better if he keep this way? At first, he realized he has to stop drinking but that was very short-lived. He promised me he will stop drinking alcohol. Fail. He reverted back within a few days. He flat out lied to both of us (Mom and I) many times.
I feel like I am the ONLY one who is constantly trying to help my father. My mom is way TOO passive. According to herself, she does not have the nature of being very aggressive. I feel in many ways, she is enabling my dad by doing basically nothing but to let him drive to the liquor store. My mom just doesn't have the guts to say no. My mom is the kind of person who gives up so easily. That's not the best way to deal with it, however, she admitted she wants my dad to stop drinking but she is making it worse for herself. She kept telling me don't criticize me while I was trying to tell her, wake up, that's what it is happening around here.
My dad is a very nice guy, but when consumed by alcohol, he always deny he has a problem, which is a classic symptom of an alcoholic. His behavior is addictive, he once got upset that I won't lend him my car key so he can go buy another 24 pack when he ran out of his beer. He laughed or scoffed at me every time I told him I think he has a problem, please get help. He acted like whatever I say does not apply to him. I am so tired of being so passive-aggressive towards him because it obviously does not help. I can't help the situation if my mom does not do anything. I am so sick of being so angry at him, anger is not the way to go. I am also so sick of being helpless. I can't force him to do anything against his wish.
So, yeah, I think I have ran out of options when dealing with him. Right now, I don't want to deal with him. I don't think my mom has the guts to stand up for herself for what's the best of their relationship. It's sad.
The only thing that I am so grateful about out of his alcoholism is that he has NO prior or any DUIs. I think that's so amazing.
Okey dokey, that's enough for now.
PP