SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Bi-polar: Tears of Realization/stupidity

shutterbug · 08-21-2004, 11:05 PM

Thanks guys, I am glad I realized there is more to this site than just the "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" forum.

I have a doctors apt. Tuesday and I am scared. I hate having to spill all the "messed" up things about myself to someone who is a stranger and is just waiting to get to the next patient. Actually, I've been seeing this same doctor for more than a year now and he's pretty nice. I just have a hard time laying it all out there like that. So with advice from my sponsor, I have made a list of things for him to know and/or things to talk to him about. So I'm just going to hand it to him and "Let go and let God!" (<-----That's my favorite quote)

Anyway, I've feeling better today. But reading all your posts has me a little scared. I mean what if the doc discovers something else is wrong with me in the process. I have even never heard of DID or recurrent depression. I'm just scared. No one has ever accused me of being a hypocondriac, but when it comes to this mental health stuff it scares the s**t out of me. In a way I don't want to know what I suffer from, but then if I don't then I can't ever get better. BUT I FEEL NORMAL (for the most part, anyway). I mean how can I be so messed up? I mean, I've always joked with friends by saying "Ya, I'm just a little I'm kooky." But now I'm having to come to the realization that I maybe A WHOLE LOT KOOKY!

I guess the part that scares me is knowing that some people are on disability and get hospitalized for this stuff. I don't know if I can handle all that. I mean, I go through cycles with work where I'm either going 90 mph a day or I'm poking around at a snails pace (by the time I get up to the starting line - everyone else has already finished the race. You know what I mean) But luckily I work with a boss and group of people that kinda understand (not totally), so they weigh my performance on the whole instead of one day at a time (or else I would be history by now and that REALLY scares the s**t out of me).

Anyway, I know I have to get into some individual theropy or whatever. I just really hate going through the whole medication trial and error thing - since I hate meds to begin with.

Anyway, thanks for all your support and for letting me know I'm not alone.

And PLEASE e-mail/ message me often if you can. I really need to feel cared about right now by people who understand.

KelKel - as always, you have a special way of always making me feel better. And I think I might ask my doctor Tuesday about trying the hair sample thing.

Love and May God Bless us ALL!
Jenna

08-21-2004, 11:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,947 Blog Entries: 5	Thanks guys, I am glad I realized there is more to this site than just the "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" forum. I have a doctors apt. Tuesday and I am scared. I hate having to spill all the "messed" up things about myself to someone who is a stranger and is just waiting to get to the next patient. Actually, I've been seeing this same doctor for more than a year now and he's pretty nice. I just have a hard time laying it all out there like that. So with advice from my sponsor, I have made a list of things for him to know and/or things to talk to him about. So I'm just going to hand it to him and "Let go and let God!" (<-----That's my favorite quote) Anyway, I've feeling better today. But reading all your posts has me a little scared. I mean what if the doc discovers something else is wrong with me in the process. I have even never heard of DID or recurrent depression. I'm just scared. No one has ever accused me of being a hypocondriac, but when it comes to this mental health stuff it scares the st out of me. In a way I don't want to know what I suffer from, but then if I don't then I can't ever get better. BUT I FEEL NORMAL (for the most part, anyway). I mean how can I be so messed up? I mean, I've always joked with friends by saying "Ya, I'm just a little I'm kooky." But now I'm having to come to the realization that I maybe A WHOLE LOT KOOKY! I guess the part that scares me is knowing that some people are on disability and get hospitalized for this stuff. I don't know if I can handle all that. I mean, I go through cycles with work where I'm either going 90 mph a day or I'm poking around at a snails pace (by the time I get up to the starting line - everyone else has already finished the race. You know what I mean) But luckily I work with a boss and group of people that kinda understand (not totally), so they weigh my performance on the whole instead of one day at a time (or else I would be history by now and that REALLY scares the st out of me). Anyway, I know I have to get into some individual theropy or whatever. I just really hate going through the whole medication trial and error thing - since I hate meds to begin with. Anyway, thanks for all your support and for letting me know I'm not alone. And PLEASE e-mail/ message me often if you can. I really need to feel cared about right now by people who understand. KelKel - as always, you have a special way of always making me feel better. And I think I might ask my doctor Tuesday about trying the hair sample thing. Love and May God Bless us ALL! Jenna __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).