Hi and welcome. I know what you mean about the weight gain. I gained about 100 pounds the last couple of years of my drinking, which only made me want to drink more because I felt so crappy about myself. I also know how you feel about having too much time to think. I am home with my 8 year old son and that gives me a ton of time to think, which is never good. I basically isolated myself off from the world completely.
I think you just need to start somewhere. You will find that the weight will come off and mentally you will feel so much clearer if you can stop drinking. I wasn't one of those people who just was able to quit and be done with alcohol...for me it was a journey with lots of slip-ups and revelations. The important thing is to not give up no matter what. I am now alcohol-free and life is so much better! I also went to a psychiatrist to get anxiety meds and am now seeing a therapist, which helps a lot. Just keep working on it and you'll get there. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself!
Best of luck!