[shutterbug]

This is my first time in this forum. I was diagnosed with depression about 6 years ago when I couldn't get out of bed for months on end, but I wasn't diagnosed as bi-polar until about a year ago. The doc gave me meds and I quit taking them after a month or two (I have always hated taking meds and have a hard time remembering). I never thought much more about it until recently.

It's a hard pill to swallow in admitting to myself that I have a "mental health" problem. Depression is one thing (it's so common that I don't think of it that way.)

Anyway, I got into Al-anon about 2 months ago and thought, " I can handle this...yeah this is going to fix everything if I work it and stay with it." But then I started learning more about my codependency issues and (I'm having a hard time even writing this through the tears) and now I'm seeing for the first time how truely messed up I am.

I visited the "Mercurial Mind" site (Eveie listed this in the bi-polar chat post) and cried as I read it. I had convinced myself that the doctor didn't know what he was talking about because once I got on anti-depressants I was fine. And I have been pretty okay until lately.

I haven't been able to understand why suddenly getting up and functioning each day has become so hard all the sudden - even though I have been on anti-d's for the first time.

I would have already lost my job if I didn't have an A boss who understands some of the **** I'm going through.

I just feel like I am so ill that I will never even understand what is wrong with me. It seems like each week I find out something else that I should be on meds for or in theropy for and my insurance doesn't cover any kind of therapy.

I like the manic states, but I've been down for about a week and a half now. I'm going to try to go back to my doc in a day or two.

What really got me about the Web site is when he says that some days he has to really think about what red, yellow and green mean on a stop light. I don't know why and I don't understand it, but I know EXACTLY what he means.! I have a college degree from a Big 12 university and I ALWAYS get confused when using a fax machine. I feel so stupid. I know how to make it work...the problem is I can't remember if the page I'm sending is suppose to go face up or face down! So I have to always ask someone or send the fax twice to make sure it's right. - Either way I feel so stupid. I hid a note at one time for myself under the machine and then the machine was moved and I guess my note was thrown away.

I can work a $10,000 digital camera with all kinds of different buttons, symbols, lenses and a menu full of hundreds of different commands, but I can't remember how to send a damn fax!

I know very little about this condition since I basically ignored my doctor's diagnosis of me so any information or ANYTHING else that you guys might know of that is available would be greatly appreciated.

Overwhelmed,
Jenna