Originally Posted by
hopeful8523 
To me, I'll take whatever I can find just to not be sober. If I don't have what I prefer, I take something else. Which is what I've done today
I substitute one thing for another. I tell myself that I'll be okay as long as I have this, or that. Then when I run out of this & that, what do I do? I flip out like I did yesterday. Sure I may be 2 days of no opiates, but I've still taken other things.
You sound EXACTLY like me. When I got my script I would count them 20 times a day and then do the math to see how many I could take per day til my next one and even though I knew detoxing wasn't fun, I'd still run out early... when I had nothing I'd chug cough syrup... I would literally take anything in my cupboard. Why? Because I didn't want to Feel ANY emotion, good or bad.
Once you realize that, find some support, detox for the last time .... IT DOES get better. You won't want to reach for the closest pill shaped anything you can get your hands on. I don't know your full story, but there might be an underlying condition like depression. (At least that is part of my story) Once you start addressing one condition, the other is easier to take on.