Hi Zeph and welcome to SR!
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Everyone I have talked to has said I need to force her to end it or else. Except the "or else" part is soemthing I do not want
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So you are stuck in this
ongoing situation because of love and losing everything???????
And you wonder why you're worrying about other stuff as well.
I find that when my worry level reaches a certain point, it spills over into other avenues of worry. Money, weather, everything serious and trivial.
Do you have someone in f2f who will just LISTEN to you? Not tell you to leave her or even give advice, just listen? Do you have a therapist? Maybe a trusted clergyman? Just someone to talk to?
Any time you need to rant, we're here. And ranting's always welcome
sending hugs your way