Smokig Pot in a Marriage with a Recovering Alcoholic
Today I read the thread about recovering alcoholics using marijuana, but it didn't speak specifically to my predicament. Here it is:
My wife is a recovering alcoholic. For the 7 years we have been married, my use of substances had not been an issue until recently. When we first got serious while dating, she told me about her alcoholism. She had been sober for about 2 years at the time, and told me she felt strong in her recovery. She said she would have no problem with me drinking, so long as I wasn't going to be the type of person that drank every night and got drunk very often. This has never been an issue, because I pretty much only drink in social settings (not at home or when it is just us), and when I do, very rarely is it more than a couple of drinks.
On the other hand, my use of marijuana has become an issue in our marriage. When we first got married, I would only smoke about 2-3 times a year, almost always away from her. She didn't take issue with that. Last summer, I started getting into it a little more, mostly as a companion to going to concerts and listening to music, etc. Instead of 2-3 times a year, it became about 2-3 times a month. She was unhappy with this development.
Long story short, we began going to couples' counseling, with this as one of our core issues to delve into. I was asking for free reign on pot so long as I kept it away from her. She was asking for me to agree never to have it on our property and for me to return to the 2-3 times a year precedent. Ultimately in the therapy sessions, we agreed to compromise: I would do it no more than once a week, tell her about it, and keep only a small amount, hidden from her in a secure spot in our garage.
This seemed to be working well until a few weeks ago, when she told he she wasn't comfortable with the arrangement anymore. She now says that every time I smoke, it makes her love me less. She says she is repulsed by it, and most importantly, it is becoming a challenge to her sobriety.
On the one hand, I want to support her in recovery and avoid triggers and be the best husband I can be. On the other hand, I want to enjoy the drug on occasion as well. I honestly don't know what's fair or unfair, or where the line is between coming to a compromise that works for both of us versus the ideal arrangement for her sobriety versus making my own decisions for my body and enjoying what I enjoy.
I would give it up completely as I am not addicted (even psychologically), but I'm afraid I'll resent her, and/or her alcoholism. I'm not sure what to do.