Hi, Sotrue. My XAH didn't file for divorce, I did.
Like Programmatic's computer, this:
Originally Posted by
Sotrue 
He says that he didn't want to do it. He says that if I had done what he wanted, there wouldn't be a divorce. He says that it has nothing to do with me.
fried my logic checker.
For your question about whether it's the alcohol or depression: Alcohol is a depressant. So even if he was depressed, while he's under the influence, there's no way to separate depression from alcohol. There really is no way to diagnose while the person is actively using.
That being said, that statement really is a typical example alcoholic/addict
manipulative reasoning.
It sounds, rather clearly to me, that he blames you (for not doing what
he wanted) for his action (filing for divorce a 2nd time). And that it's been a rather effective manipulation tool in his arsenal, since this is the 2nd time he's pulled it.
Originally Posted by
Sotrue Anyway, I really don't want to be divorced. I'd rather he got the help he needed and by doing so preserve our family. I don't feel he's hopeless or our marriage is hopeless. But in the case that it is hopeless, I am doing the best I can to be prepared for that by getting the support I need to survive it.
I think it's safe to say that we'd all rather that our alcoholic get the help that they need to preserve the family, so we understand where you're coming from; I definitely do. Some where along the line, we make a choice: to just keep on waiting for our alcoholic to get help or to move on with our life. Some people are able to move on while still involved with their alcoholic, some people aren't. Either way, it takes a lot of courage to look at what we need and want from a relationship and what we're willing to accept as an alternative.
Hang in there.