I don't know about you, but now that I'm getting clean, and I mean I'm at the very beginning here, June 6th is my clean date, I'm terribly concerned with all the terrible things I did while I was using. And it wasn't that long ago!
To make a long story short, I was a pill popper, diet pills and pain pills, and when I was running out, I didn't care what I had to do, or who I had to do it to, to get my pills. What particularly concerns me was the stealing. I look at some of the things I did, and just cringe. And I have this feeling, every day, that I'm peering over my shoulder (guilty conscience!) to see if I'm about to get caught. My self-esteem is in the toilet now that I'm realizing what I've become, I can't sleep...... and the worst part is, staying clean is hard work! I mean I don't mind the hard work, but I see all the terrible things I've done and it nauseates me that I could do it again, I see this and feel just terrible!
My goal for this week is to get a sponsor. I have been attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings and am almost done reading
The Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous. I am grateful today for my sobriety just so that I didn't hurt anyone today!!!
