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runningfree · 08-13-2004, 01:55 PM

I wish I could believe there is hope. I keep going back and forth like a yo-yo and the string is all tangled up.
Yes, I was seeing a therapist since April of 2003 and I called to cancel an appt for next week and I said that I didn't want to reschedule. She said okay that is your decision and that was it. I have been stewing for 2 days because I gave this person my heart and soul and because I am weak--that is it! See ya! I know I have to tell myself that it is a job and they have NO obligations, but I am glad I never called with an emergency!
The thought of starting over is making me sick, nauseated and weak(no pun intended). My poor husband. He gives me whatever I ask for (I do have to ask) and he is having a party tomorrow and I am trying to store up enough energy to clean my house and be a nice wife because I am falling apart. I wish that I could fall apart without letting him in on it. He can't handle it. He shouldn't have to handle it. He is sweet, a great provider and he loves me. He should not have to listen to this crazy talk that I can't seem to get out of my head.
Running is a very fragile thing for me. I thought I was really good and I have been shown that I am very much less than mediocre and that has hit me very hard. I don't compare myself to everyone, but only those that run and know what I mean. I feel sick and tired. There is a god up there and I am on the list for the next terminal disease because we only have one life and I am really wasting this one away. I and the people around me need to learn a lesson and it is time to have me get what I deserve. I am convinced of it!

08-13-2004, 01:55 PM	#4 (permalink)
runningfree Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Pooh Corner, USA Posts: 116	I wish I could believe there is hope. I keep going back and forth like a yo-yo and the string is all tangled up. Yes, I was seeing a therapist since April of 2003 and I called to cancel an appt for next week and I said that I didn't want to reschedule. She said okay that is your decision and that was it. I have been stewing for 2 days because I gave this person my heart and soul and because I am weak--that is it! See ya! I know I have to tell myself that it is a job and they have NO obligations, but I am glad I never called with an emergency! The thought of starting over is making me sick, nauseated and weak(no pun intended). My poor husband. He gives me whatever I ask for (I do have to ask) and he is having a party tomorrow and I am trying to store up enough energy to clean my house and be a nice wife because I am falling apart. I wish that I could fall apart without letting him in on it. He can't handle it. He shouldn't have to handle it. He is sweet, a great provider and he loves me. He should not have to listen to this crazy talk that I can't seem to get out of my head. Running is a very fragile thing for me. I thought I was really good and I have been shown that I am very much less than mediocre and that has hit me very hard. I don't compare myself to everyone, but only those that run and know what I mean. I feel sick and tired. There is a god up there and I am on the list for the next terminal disease because we only have one life and I am really wasting this one away. I and the people around me need to learn a lesson and it is time to have me get what I deserve. I am convinced of it!