Hey chics dudes guys & otherwise--
My name is ben i am a 24 year old addict from florida. I have a never ending story it sems but i won't go into it at this time. I was just sitting outside talk to my brother and all of a sudden my hands got REALLY SWEATY and he said my pupils looked really huge & that i looked pale & crazy :speechles I have been doing the whole "tampering" process & i have actually been doing pretty good...YesterdaY i only had a lortab TEN mgs & today i have had NOTHING. I could have one but i choose NOT TO. I truely feel like a MENTAL case...I actually have a big appetite. I have not thrown up & have only had this sort of "crawling outta my skin feeling" and hot flashes. This is the most horrible feeling in the world. I figure since the past few days I have only taken a 10 mg & the next day nothing. this has been going on for 4 days now...Lastnite even with the 10 mgs i could not sleep..My mind was racing...I feel more of a mental thing then a physical thing. (KNOCK ON WOOD) ......Should i be fine?? I am going to TRY and take nothing again tomorrow as well. As bad as i am craving a single pill now I AM NOT GONNA ASK FOR ONE. The mental cravings are CRAZY. I actually feel as if i should be in a padded cell or something. I HATE alchohol but i actually brought myself to have a single beer. My problem is PILLS not alchohol & i am not gonna become an alcho...I DO "KNOW" THAT. I NEVER NEVER DRINK but i am always LIT UP WICKED ON HYDROCODONE. IT IS MY GOD,MY LOVER, & MY LIFE....So it seems. As for those of you who take 100+ a day....I don't feel that my withdrawls are gonna be THAT BAD. I was only taking 4 sometimes 6 but at the MOST 10 pills a day. this has been going on for about 3 years & i am ready for a REAL life. I have other problems as well. I have a VERY VERY addicting personality. I don't even know how to drive a car :speechles 24 YEARS OLD very good lookin guy (so they say) and i happen to be very artistic. I live in a VERY small town that IS FULLLLL OF PILL ADDICTS. I have absolutely...NO MONEY & NO JOB BECAUSE OF THESE PILLS...When i say NO MONEY i mean no MONEY...No insurance..NO DOCTOR. I am basicly living on a wing & a prayer but atleast i ADMITT to my flaws. I truely feel like a LOSER/PILL ADDICT WHO WILL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE & BE STUCK IN THIS TOWN. Where can i possibly go? I have a boyfriend who i am VERY much in love with and he HAS GONE THROUGH HELL with me & these PILLS.....He should have left me ALONG TIME AGO BUT NO!! HE REMAINS BY MY SIDE. I have taken 4 hundred dollars out of his bank account & went on pill binges...I have lied & stolen. TYPICAL ADDICT!! Underneith it all i am a GREAT GUY. I am very confident but it seems like i can not do anything in life without these pills and the sad thing is....THE PILLS DON'T GIVE ME THAT "FULL" SPEEDY SUPERMAN HIGH...I "HAVE TO HAVE" THE BEER & WEED with it to get the "FULL" high that i am addicted to. When i just do the pills i get VERY MOODY & MEAN. Plus i smoke ciggarettes! If i keep eating pills everyday smoking weed & drinking beer & smoking cigs i will be DEAD by 40...Maybe sooner. I TRUELY wanna do this though. It's like when i'm on these pills i just feel as i did a few years ago when i did not do pills....MYSELF. So i know once i kick this habit i will BE BACK TO NORMAL. I have NO REAL friends...They are all addicts. I have not talked to them in a month. This board REEEELLLY helps me ALOT! If i did not have the internet i think i would be in a mental institution somewhere.....I mean really! This is my only OUT......I want to thank all of you who are reading this THANK YOU! I really need some support. I know i know...Go to meetings.....But i really have no way of getting to DAYTONA BEACH for a meeting...Like i said...that is aways from where i am @....I am in the middle of phucking NO WHERE....STUCK...WITH NOTHING BUT FAITH & HOPE & MOST OF ALL JESUS CHRIST! I think PRAYER & jesus is the only thing that is gonna save me. I WILL KICK THIS ADDICTIONS AZZ!!!! I have been to rehab and three days later i was eating pills all over again....I HAVE TO DO THIS ON MY OWN....I doubt i'm gonna get REALLY REALLY SICK because i have been having 5 mgs every other day.....I am a SERIOUS ADDICT and am very proud of my intakes these past few days. I think i will be ok...I HOPE! I just hope that if i go again tomorrow without anything that i will be SERIOUSLY sick. I have lost quite a few friends over pills...They are dead & i'm not gonna go down that road....I am also VERY LUCKY that i have not gone to jail....SO here is MY CHANCE. I beg of you people to HELP me & support me as i go thru this battle with addiction. This is the HARDEST thing i have ever faced & gone thru in my LIFE. It has TAKEN EVRYTHING FROM ME. I am stronger then these phuckin pills.......
Sincerely,
Ben the addict
