[alli61098]

I was drawn to this forum and this thread because of the title. I usually post in Nar-Anon because my husband is a recovering addict. I first read this thread a few days ago, and it’s taken me this long to get my head around it.

The first characteristic was all it took for me to read on. To my shock and horror I’m 10 for 13. I had to ask myself why. I always thought that I had escaped any ill effects of my stepfather’s drinking. My five step siblings weren’t so lucky as all of them are addicts, alcoholics, or both but I never fell into to it so I thought I had escaped at. Apparently I was very wrong.

I don’t have many memories of my childhood. I don’t think it was a “bad� one but it certainly wasn’t great either. I remember that I could tell by how he closed the door how many high balls he would have that night after work. I don’t remember him being violent, or nasty. I remember a few drunken hugs with him telling me how he loved me as if I were his own. There were a few scary rides home from Christmas parties. Once I had to wake him up while were driving down the highway. The same night he hit the curb at the end of our street and blew out both front tires and we left the car where it was and walked the rest of the way. It was like an adventure to me because he laughed about it. The time he drove our truck into the huge pine tree next to our driveway and had to climb out the back window became a family story that I’m sure is still retold to this day.

I thought it was normal for someone to drink a case of beer on a Saturday afternoon while cutting wood. I thought everybody had fancy refrigerators by the pool to keep their beer in. I thought everybody got picked on because of their nose, or skinny legs, or whatever.

Funny thing is that as a family we never considered him an alcoholic. He just drank a lot, we’re Irish and that’s how it is. To my knowledge my mom never discussed his drinking with him. She would make a snide remark now and then, but other than to say not to talk to him about something because he was drunk, she never mentioned it.

I think back and I get so mad at her. How could she have let me get into a car with him? She knew he was drunk.

And now, I look at these characteristics and I see so much of it in myself and I’m floored. Call me clueless, but I honestly never thought his drinking had any effect on me what so ever. I worshiped that man until the day he died; he was the only true father I ever had. He’s been gone 8 years and I still have a hard time believing he is dead. And now to see that some of the things I have struggled with all of my life are related to his drinking…. Well you can see why it took a few days for me to get my head around this.

Alli